Cocoon (A Poem)

The little green caterpillar munches on a leaf, looking around with big brown eyes as the world spins around and around. She keeps trying to catch up but her short legs can’t keep up. She keeps falling and falling, further behind, scrapping up her knees and hands, blood staining her clothes.

She tries to keep her head down, be like all the other girls.

Keep smiling. Be sweet. Shut your mouth.

Don’t say a word even as the greedy grasshopper grabs her ass.

Don’t raise your fists as the angry ants swarm her, her supposed friends, calling her names and acting like she’s all to blame, Crawling inside her and devouring her up until there’s nothing left but green goop.

Don’t try to be unique. Get in line.

Neat little green caterpillars all in a row with their perfect white teeth, every hair in place, letting greedy grasshoppers move their limbs wherever they want them to go, bending and twisting, putting on a show for the whole world to see.

You’re too thin whispers the others. But don’t they know that it’s because she has hungry larvae to feed? So she hides behind baggy clothes and shrinks into herself like she can just disappear into nothing, fading away into the mist.

The whispers get louder and louder, crueler and crueler.

She’ll spread her legs for any grasshopper, they say. Let them stick their greasy claws in and tear out her insides until she’s just a Hollow husk of flesh with empty dead eyes and a broken heart.

The green caterpillar hides away, until she’s finally free of angry ants and greedy grasshoppers.

She builds up her shell, making thick outer layers to protect herself but doesn’t harden her heart. Instead she creates solid bones, a spine to hold up her head and a sharp tongue to defend herself.

Slowly the caterpillar starts to strengthen with the care and nourishment she never had as a child, flourishing and flourishing.

She becomes strong, finding her voice and speaking her truth with no fear of the repercussions, knowing that she’s not the victim. She is the heroine in her story as long as she believes. She builds herself a suit of armor, made of the encouragement of the others before her, telling her. You can do it. You can do it.

Just keep trying.

Keep your head held up high.

She wraps herself in her own strength that she never knew she had, forming a cocoon.

She used to be so afraid but now she’s not, even as she dissolves into green sticky liquid in her cocoon, shaping into something new. Change can be scary but she’s somehow she’s not afraid even as she breaks down until she’s nothing.

But then, then ugly brown shell cracks and the caterpillar slowly breaks out, shaking the wet off her face, more pieces crumble and as she dries, she spreads out beautiful wings of multitude colors. Vibrant blues, reds, yellows, oranges, greens. All in varying shades. Some pieces darker than others, others darker, some have no color at all, instead black as the night or as white as snow.

In some places, the wings have holes, letting the light through, a little scarred, torn in places but they will still get her where she goes.

She takes a slow hesitant step, still afraid. What if they get more torn? she wonders.


She will simply add more colors, more scars and more tears that tell the story of her life.

So she spreads her wings, the kaleidoscope of colors shimmering in the sun and then she takes off to the sky, feeling the wind in her air and the sun on her face, as she finally tastes true freedom at last.


Spotify Shuffle Adventures 2

Another of my shuffle adventures on Spotify! Apparently Spotify was all about Jesse McCartney and the soundtracks for The Greatest Showman and Beauty and the Beast. The first song is one I just added to my library today. I heard it on the radio and fell instantly in love.

  1. Might Not Like Me by Brynn Elliot
  2. Miami by Will Smith
  3. Shotgun by George Ezra
  4. The Greatest Show by Pentatonix
  5. Anybody by Jesse McCartney
  6. You Say by Lauren Daigle
  7. This Is Me by Kesha
  8. The Beat Goes On by Sonny & Cher
  9. Belle from Beauty and Beast (Live Action)
  10. Feelin’ You by Jesse McCartney
  11. Come Along by Cosmo Sheldrake
  12. Majesty by Nicki Minaj, Labrinth and Eminem
  13. Blow Your Mind by Jesse McCartney
  14. Gin and Juice by Snoop Dogg
  15. Mr Jones by Counting Crows
  16. Just Go by Jesse McCartney
  17. Honey I’m Home by Francesco Yates
  18. Change the Channel by Francesco Yates
  19. Burn the House Down by AJR
  20. How Does a Moment Last Forever by Celine Dion
  21. Save Tonight by Eagle-Eye Cherry
  22. Chances by The Backstreet Boys
  23. Boomtastic by Shaggy
  24. Come Alive by Years & Years and Jess Glynne
  25. Acapella by Karmin

Check out these songs!! Tell me what you think!

Also tomorrow I am seeing Panic at the Disco!!! I am so excited!!!!!


I Wish (A Poem)

I wish you knew how every time I hear that song, I die a little more.

I wish you knew that there are movies that I can’t watch anymore because we watched them together.

I wish you knew that sometimes I catch myself thinking about you and it takes me hours to forget you again.

I wish you knew that sometimes I see that black velvet box with the diamond ring and haunts me.

I wish I knew that I hear your voice everytime someone calls me “sweetie.” But then I look and it’s never you.

I wish you knew how hard it is sometimes to not dial your number. I still have it memorized even now.

I wish you knew that breathing is hard when I see photos of you on social media and you seem so happy.

I wish you knew that I finally made it to London and saw Big Ben. I took a picture to send to you and then remembered. . .

I wish you knee that I donated the dishes we bought together. You know the ones with the blue flowers.

I wish you knew I changed my hair color back to brown because I couldn’t stand to see the red hair you said always looked like flames.

I wish you knew how much I have grown and changed in the years since you left.

I wish you knew that I still think about you every day but I have to move on.

I wish you knew that my dreams are slowly coming true. Without you.

I wish I knew if you missed me.


Why Am I Watching Videos of Soap Being Cut?

So all day today I’ve been watching videos of people cutting soap. Why? Well for some strange reason it’s soothing and kind of like slows down my brain. All day I’ve been sort of cranky but for some damn reason watching videos of soap being cut and listening to the soothing noise helped me relax.

I wonder it it’d help me sleep…

Short post but I am in pain so hard to concentrate.


Songs I Am Currently Obsessed With

These are songs that I am currently obsessed with – for different reasons that I will explain.

Why am I obsessed with this song? The emotion in it is amazing. I love Jacoby Shaddix and I love Maria Brink. I have listened to Papa Roach for years, and now thanks to this song, I’ve been listening to In This Moment (Maria Brink’s band). The emotion between them and the lyrics is just incredible. This song is about a relationship that is going through a rough patch, but no matter what they still love each other. And like gravity, they’ll come back down. Come back together. Like most of Papa Roach’s song, this song is relatable.

One of my favorites parts is when Jacoby is singing:

” ‘ Get the hell away!”
You’re not a husband, not a father, just a pig
And you can never change all the things that you did!’ “

And Maria Brink is on the phone saying the words with him. It’s a beautiful line.

Other songs of Papa Roach I like are “Falling Apart,” “No Matter What” and “American Dreams.” Check them out!

I found Firefight while on browsing a playlist on Spotify. Since then I have played this song. A lot. Can you blame me? I like her voice. I like the beat. I like the lyrics.

Lyrics are what really attract me to songs most of the time. If I’m more in a dance mood, then yeah, it’s a beat. But I listen to music for the meaning of the song.

For this song, she’s asking for help. For someone, whether a friend or a lover, to ‘stay close.’ To stay.

My favorite lyrics:

“Precious denial,
A stone to break my back.
The chains I carry won’t cut me any slack.
Imprisoned by fear,
No room for my heart
My only hope,
Only you can heal the scar.”

“Hanging on a by Thread” by The Letter Black is another song I found via a playlist. In fact, I clicked on “Song Radio” for the Fireflight song and this song popped on that list. I fell in love and have been playing it ever since.

The Letter Black is like a mix of Flyleaf and Halestorm. This song is similar to “Stay Close.” Another song about asking for help, saying ‘hey, save me from me because I’m fucked up.’ I like this song so much that it’s the title for a Batman fanfiction that I am working on. (Yes, I write fanfiction. In another post I’ll tell all the ones I’m working on.)

My favorite lyrics:

“Save me from losing myself
I’m hanging on by a thread
Can you see who I am
Underneath my scars
I’m afraid to fall
So I’m holding on to you
No I won’t let go
I’m hanging on by a thread.”

Now to completely shift gears and onto my next song. Seriously. About to go from alternative rock to soft pop.

This song. God. Do I relate to this song. Every time I hear this song, it makes me tear up, which is strange since not a lot of songs do that. But “Consequences” by Camila Cabello, makes me feel so hard. I can’t listen to it repeatedly otherwise I feel like I need to cry and need a hug from my aunt.

I think we all can relate to this song. Who hasn’t fallen in love with someone and it was a rush. God, it was amazing. And then when it was over, you realized that it wasn’t good. It wasn’t amazing. It fucking sucked. It hurt. And while you want to regret it – and hell, you do – you also know you’ve learned from it. This song reminds me of Morgan. (If you don’t know that story then you won’t get it. But if you do know the story, you’ll get it.) And it hurts. But I still listen to this song.

My favorite lyrics:

“Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap
Loving you still takes shots at me
Found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
And I lost so much more than my senses
‘Cause loving you had consequences.”

This song. Oh lord. I have listened to this song on repeat at least 10 times. Probably even more than that.

This song. Out of all the songs, even though the music seems sad, the lyrics are almost hopeful. This song is about being in love with someone and it’s like, well “fire on fire.” It’s about being with someone and you just click with them. It makes sense. And it’s amazing and incredible and terrifying all at once. It’s like a wildfire raging out of control until the firefighters come and then it’s all well.

This song makes me long for that kind of love. I like that instead of comparing it to fire and water, the song is like no, it’s fire on fire. It shouldn’t work, but hell, it does. And that’s okay. It’s about not letting people tell you it’s wrong. It’s a hell of a contrast to “Consquences.”

My favorite lyrics:

“Fire on fire, we’re normally killers
But this much desire, together, we’re winners
They say that we’re out of control and some say we’re sinners
But don’t let them ruin our beautiful rhythms.”

First, the video to this song is a bit trippy. Seriously, watch it. Second, the video suits the song quite well. I can’t remember how I found this song. I think I was on YouTube and it did the whole autoplay thing and this song came on.

This song is so real. Broken people find broken people. The lyrics are sad but the beat is almost peppy? It’s a contradiction. That’s why I like it. It doesn’t match, but that’s okay.

When it comes to relationships, I always say that in order to love someone, you have to love yourself first. With this song, it’s saying “Hey, you’re broken. And I’m broken. But that’s okay.” It’s a different perspective. That maybe broken can fix broken.

My favorite lyrics:

“Life is not a love song that we like
We’re all broken pieces floating by
Life is not a love song, we can try
To fix our broken pieces one at a time.”

And that’s it for today!

Bonus song because the video cracks me up.


Starry-Eyed (A Poem)

She comes in

like a heavy fog

over green,

green hills,

slow and steady

as the sun rises

in the east,

breaking into

blues and oranges.

She walks like

A cheetah,

Each step placed

With purpose,

Graceful and poised

But ready at a

Moment’s notice

To speed off

And save the day.

Her voice is

Like water,

Calm and cool,

Soothing all hurts

And easing

all sorrows,

But ready to rage

And rush like a


In her eyes she

Holds the universe,

Eyes sparkling with

The stars

Like diamonds

And with the

Knowledge of all

Those who came

Before her.


Update: Podcast

Possible Names:

  1. Fem Flick Fan (3 F’s)
  2. The Keely Show
  3. Short & Sweet(Or Close Enough)
  4. Lights, Camera and Keely (or Lights, Camera and Me)
  5. Kinema….something
  6. Chatterbox

Those are all my ideas so far. I had some help from my aunt and my bff Angela. None of them are really sticking out. I do like Chatterbox but it doesn’t really relate to cinematography. The title needs to relate to the topic that way people know what the podcast is about.

I am working on a logo for the podcast. I have one idea bearly done then gonna work on a few others.

I have not looked for music yet for the podcast. So I need to do that.

What else? Right, run time for each episode. I’m thinking 30 minutes. Once a week. I’m gonna work on a few rough scripts.

Now if only I had a name. . . .


Some Dreams You Aren’t Ready For

When I was younger and throughout middle school, I wanted to be a dancer. If you know me, you know that’s a bit hilarious or ironic considering I am a very clumsy person. Seriously, just the other day I slipped on a plastic bottle, caught myself and then proceeded to slip on a rug. I fell onto the hardwood floor, hard and trust me, I am going to have some rather spectacular bruises.

But yes I did want to be a dancer and apart of me still does. I have watched all the Step Up movies and used to wonder what it would be like to be one of those dancers. I have videos that I watch on YouTube of dancers. When I listen to certain songs like “Stitches” by Shawn Mendes, “Love Me Like You Do” by Ellie Goudling and “The Arena” by Lindsey Stirling, I think of routines for the songs.

I love going to clubs and dancing like there is nor tomorrow. Dancing even more than writing or painting makes me feel free and relaxed. Unfortunately I’ve never pursued this love of dancing. I’ve always been too shy to ever do anything about it.

The dance team at my school is having tryouts soon and I wish that I had the self-confidence to actually tryout and see what happens.

Maybe some dreams you aren’t teady for yet. But maybe one day, I will be.