True Blood vs. The Southern Vampire Mysteries

Books that turn are turned into movies or TV shows are always a hit or miss. It’s just a fact. (Please don’t even get me started on Eragon, Vampire Academy or Maximum Ride. Those are all horrible movies.) You read a book, you find out it’s going to be a movie or a TV show and you can’t help but be excited. I mean you’ve read the books, you have imagined how the characters look and everything. But what about the movies or shows that you watch and you didn’t know it was a book?

Take Mortal Engines for example. We watched it on Sling one day. It was. . .well, we were already past the dystopian young adult movies, so really, it came out at the wrong time. The Hunger Games, The Maze Runner and the Divergent series had already been released and over and done with. (Not that the Divergent series went anywhere compared to The Hunger Games or The Maze Runner. Or you know, that the last book even got turned into a movie. Instead they just kind of left you standing there like “That’s it?” But of course I didn’t like the Divergent movies because they were boring as hell.)

Check out the trailer for Mortal Engines below.

The problem with Mortal Engines, besides it being released after the dystopian rage, was that it left you with too many questions that never got answered, and frankly, it was boring. Not even Hugo Weaving could save that move. And it’s Hugo. Weaving. You know the guy who has played Agent Smith in The Matrix, Megatron in the Transformers franchise, and you know Elrond in The Lord of the Rings. And due to how boring it was — seriously, there was no sense of urgency or like any connection to the characters — I now don’t want to read the book. Eventually, I’ll probably get to it. But today we aren’t discussing the movies or TV shows that made me not want to read the book. Instead, we are going to discuss a show that made me want to read the books. Today we are going to talk about True Blood.

True Blood was an HBO show that ran from September 7, 2008 to August 24, 2014. Much like with The Vampire Diaries, I actually watched a few episodes in high school but never watched it from the beginning. (Stay tuned for a blog post comparing True Blood and The Vampire Diaries. Maybe. Eventually. If I get to it. I have a massive list.) We’d play it on the background while playing cards games and getting high. You know, the way high school students did.

The scene that I most vividly remember from True Blood is in the first season where Jason Stackhouse goes to the hospital and has to have his dick drained of blood because he stupidly took too much V (vampire blood which is like a drug in this universe) and they uh, did this by. . .stabbing his dick with a huge ass fucking needle.

Yeah, a scene like that would definitely stick with you, I imagine.

Around two years or so ago, I actually watched the entire show from start to finish. After I finished the show, I found out that it was based off The Southern Vampire Mysteries series. So fall 2018 while I was in Washington D.C. for an internship, I read all thirteen books while on my commute to and from my internship. And wow. Let me just say, HBO missed out by not following the books to the T.

Now here’s the thing.

The show isn’t bad. It’s not. I liked it. Sure, it totally lost me with the Billith thing in like season six and what even was that season finale for season seven. But it’s not a bad show. The problem is. . . .well a few things.

When it comes to True Blood, you aren’t in it for the main character, Sookie Stackhouse, played by Anna Paquin (who also played Rogue in the X-Men movies but my comments on her Rogue is best left unsaid. The whole if you have nothing nice to say thing. Though really, it’s not her fault as it’s the directors for that horrible depiction of my favorite X-Men.) Sookie, frankly, is annoying in the show. She’s grating, always needs saving and most of the time, causes more problems than she helps. In the books, she’s slightly more tolerable because she actually does something instead of just getting in everyone’s way. But again, only slightly.

You’re also not there for her love interest, Bill Compton played by Stephen Moyer (who is actually married to Anna Paquin and they have kids). Stephen Moyer also played the dad, Reed Strucker, in the short-lived show (which was tragic because it’s great), The Gifted which was about mutants. How funny is it that his wife played a mutant and he ended up playing one too?

The point is that when you compare Bill fucking Compton to Eric fucking Northman. . .there really is no competition. Bill is boring. He’s Boring Bill. Seriously. No woman in her right mind would choose Bill Compton over Eric Northman. (Or you know Bill Compton over Alcide Herveaux but we’ll get to him in a minute.) And this isn’t just because he’s played by Alexander Skarsgard (known for The Legend of Tarzan, Big Little Lies, The Stand and a Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” video. Seriously, he’s in it. Who are we more jealous of? Lady Gaga or Alexander Skarsgard? Probably both.) Okay. That’s a lie. Maybe a little bit (a lot), but watch the show and tell me that you wouldn’t chose Eric Northman. Even in the books, Eric is so superior to Bill Compton.

Compare the two below.

Bill vs. Eric

See what I mean?

And it’s not just their looks, I promise.

Bill is so. . .I already said boring. He’s that but I need another word. He’s like. . .cardboard. He’s a cardboard cutout. He has no use. No purpose. He’s just there, and you kind of hope there will be more to him but you dig and dig and dig so more but. . . .there’s. . . . Yeah, I was trying to think of something that Boring Bill brings, but I got nothing. There’s nothing to him. Nothing but boring, bland cardboard cutout-ness. Not to mention a dash of creepy. Okay. More than a dash. He’s creepy from the get go, come on. Because he’s not just boring and bland, oh no.

He’s a creeper.

He’s a creeper stalker type. He intentionally lets Sookie get attacked by the Rats so he has to give her his blood. He’s all “Sookeh! I must protect you!” But also. . .he’s so controlling and demanding. He treats her like she’s stupid, And yeah, okay, sometimes she is, but while I don’t necessarily like her character all that much, she can more or less take care of herself. My theory is that Bill is used to the women he grew up with when he was human during the Civil War era. You know, the perfect wives who did everything their husbands told them to do. And like. . .that’s so not Sookie? She does what she wants, and when she wants. Which is why I never got the whole so in love thing with Bill Compton. Like, ew. No.

Also, what is up with the main chick going for the creepy stalker dude? Like why? No, baby, no. That is not a healthy relationship, and yes, I get it’s fiction, but come on. Show some reality here. (*coughs* Twilight. But that is another blog post.)

Bill Compton came to Bon Temps to seduce Sookie because his Queen, Sophie Ann wanted a telepath. There’s also the manner of Sookie being part fairy which gives her magical powers and blood that is like crack to vampires. It can make a vampire a Daylighter for like a few hours but then it fades. Everything Bill does is because he’s trying to earn Sookie’s trust. He wants to be her knight in shining armor. How does he do that? By lying and manipulating her. Then he claims to love her. Like no, dude. No. Fuck you.

That’s not to say Sookie’s other love interest is like the best guy for her, because honestly, he’s not. (We’ll get to who the like best guy is in a moment.) And really, Eric Northman, though definitely better than Boring Bill, probably wouldn’t make the best boyfriend. But at least he’s honest.

More or less.

He finds out Sookie is a telepath and he uses her, yes, but at least he’s honest about it, you know. Which I can appreciate it. Eric doesn’t try to be anything he’s not, and I like that in a man. (Apparently. Read: Damon Salvatore. Oh god, I have a type. In fictional guys at least. When it comes to in real life guys, I date gamers.)

Now, look, I love me some Eric Northman. Eric is an all around badass. Seriously, he gets you from the first time you see him. Even before you hear him talk, and you only see him, I swear your eyebrows go way, way, way up and you’re like “Oh, heellllloooo. Who are you?” Sure, Eric does a lot of bad things, let’s not sugarcoat it. I wouldn’t say he was a ‘good’ guy. (I mean, neither is Bill, honestly.) He does what he wants that hopefully benefit him and the people he cares about. He does a lot of horrible things. Such as: dismember a human in front of Lafayette, torture Lafayette, (just. . .poor Lafayette), uses Sookie because of her telepathy, lets Russell Edington drink from Sookie to get his (Eric’s) revenge, buys Sookie’s house in a stalker-y way because he wants her, and the list goes on. And on.

But here’s the thing (I swear that’s my catch phrase. Like Kim Possible’s “What’s the stitch?”), Eric at least respects Sookie, more or less. Yes, he wants to keep her safe. . .after he starts to care about her and eventually love her. He does. Eric is loyal. Completely. For like eternity. Once he’s in, he’s in, even if he’s being petulant and says he’s done.

In the books, unlike in the show, Eric and Sookie actually date for a while. In fact, they sort of get married. Now, yes, Eric in the books does some heavy-handed bullshit so she will marry him. But he did it to keep her safe. You’re totally routing for Eric and Sookie. But then his damn Maker, Ocella (not Godric, like in the show) arranges a marriage to the Queen of Oklahoma for Eric and since that’s his Maker, Eric can’t say no. (Ocella is a fucking creep. He basically turned Eric because he thought Eric was pretty then used him that whole time as his own personal sex toy. I hate Ocella.) Then Sookie uses this thing called a cluviel dor which is like some fairy object thing that grants wishes. Anyways, she uses it to bring back Sam Merlotte after his bitch of a girlfriend kills him. Due to that, the Sookie and the Eric in the books end up breaking up and that’s that.

Speaking of fairies, they are way more involved in the books. That Billith and tainted True Blood and Warlow bullshit does not happen. The fairies are not weaklings. Nah, man, they are badasses. They get Sookie into more trouble than the vampires do, which is saying something.

Sookie has other love interests as well. Such as Alcide Herveaux, a werewolf whom I actually like better in the show than in the books. In the book, he’s very controlling and thinks he knows best. Then like Bill he does some shady stuff that gets Sookie into trouble. He lies to her, and she’s not into that lying thing. Sookie does not end up with Eric, Bill or Alcide in the show nor the books. In the show she ends up with some off-the-wall guy that you see briefly and don’t even know his name. In the books, she ends up with Sam Merlotte. But yeah, we’ll explain Sam Merlotte later. I like his character way better in the books, just saying.

But in the show. Alcide Herveaux is the winner. Like he is the best. He is loyal, kind, brave. He’s simply a really good guy, and he remains as such. Even when he becomes Alpha, he’s still oh so good and leaves because he realizes that the pack life ain’t for him. Also he’s played by this guy.

Joe Manganiello as Alcide Herveaux from True Blood

Casting choice was damn near perfect for Alcide Herveaux. Seriously, in the books he’s described as a tall man with an olive complexion, an aquiline nose, green eyes, and thick, tousled hair. Hello, casting. Damn. Two thumbs way way up for this casting choice.

Unlike in the show, in the books Sookie and Alcide never actually get together. In the show, they date for a bit and are super cute and we love them. You think everything is all perfectly fine. . . .until he dies in like the first episode of season seven along with Tara Thornton. Both of their deaths were pointless. They did nothing for the show. Also, considering who Sookie ends up with in the show (a random dude we see maybe once and know nothing about), the showrunners never should’ve killed off Alcide. If Sookie wasn’t going to end up with Eric or I guess, Bill (yuck) then she should’ve ended up with Alcide.

In the books, Sookie ends up with Sam Merlotte, which admittedly, was a twist. I did not see that coming. I hoped that Sookie in the books would end up with either Eric or Quinn.

It’s kind of like this.

  • Guy A (Bill) first love, blah, blah, blah.
  • Guy B (Eric) bad boy, don’t want to love him but you totally do.
  • Guy C (Alcide) mostly steady guy, has issues, could be a thing but never is a thing
  • Guy D (Quinn) came out of nowhere and you’re like wait what there’s a fourth choice
  • Guy E (Sam) best dude friend, never thought he was an option (until he was).

So you think okay, she’s not gonna end up with Guy A. But maybe she’ll end up with Guy B, you know, how typical things go (such as The Vampire Diaries. Stefan would be Guy A and Damon Guy B. Elena ended up with Damon in the end).

Now Quinn is a character that we never see on True Blood. Quinn is a tall huge man with a bald head. . . .that happens to be a weretiger. One of the last weretigers. He runs a business for supernatural parties, weddings, etc. It’s a cute job. He and Sookie meet and it’s like sparks fly.

Quinn, most of the time, is a great guy. He has issues with vampires but that could be because vampires tortured his mother so she’s crazy and he was forced to fight in like gladiator fights. He and Sookie argue the most about well, his crazy mother and his sister, who are always getting him in trouble. Sookie ends up getting in trouble and hurt because of Quinn’s family, and due to that, he and Sookie end things. Quinn is always going to put his family first, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, honorable even, but his family gets him in danger which then puts Sookie in danger, and she can’t handle that.

I understand that.

As much as I loved Quinn (other than his blatant hatred of vampires which put him and Sookie at odds but they got over that), his family was always going to cause problems for him. That’s a fact of life. Is it honorable that he loves his family that much? Yes, I can appreciate that. So can Sookie. But the fact of the matter is, his mother and sister indirectly cause Sookie to get kidnapped and she gets hurt. She’s done with that. However, they parted ways more or less amicably.

Quinn is never mentioned in the show. Weretigers don’t exist. There are werepanthers, of course, and they are more or less the same in the books as in the show. Though in the books they aren’t crackheads (I think?). Is there incest? Yes. To keep the blood pure. Oh, and Calvin Norris is a gentle old panther who has the hots for Sookie and wanted her to be his breeding mare. (There’s also the thing were Jason actually does become a werepanther, sort of, but not a ‘pure’ one. Like a werepanther-man thing. He marries Crystal who gets pregnant and she’s then murdered by someone something in other.) I guess he’d be Guy F. Not that he had a chance in hell with Sookie. Sookie ain’t about to sit on a couch eating bon-bons and popping out kids every ten months. Just saying. That’s not her.

Instead she marries some random guy

I think HBO missed out by not following the books to the T. Seriously, there was so much content, and honestly, had they followed the books more and not the first like three books, the show would’ve been much better. That’s not to say the show isn’t worth watch. Just keep in mind that you aren’t in it for Sookie or Bill. The side characters such as Eric, Pam, Tara, etc., that’s who you’re there for.

I’d like to challenge you to watch all of True Blood. Then read the Southern Vampire Mysteries series. You’ll see what I mean.

Until next time!


Part Seven: Charlie aka the Best Dad Ever

Yes, we are back. Here’s part seven where we talk about the best dad ever, Charlie Swan.

As stated previously in part six, Charlie is wonderful. I really don’t understand why Bella is so like against him. Like this man traveled to Arizona to be with her. Took time off and everything to see her and she’s like, so ungrateful towards him? She moves to Forks and he buys her a car! Bella doesn’t ask, nothing. He gets her a car and wants her to feel welcome there! This man is so excited to have his daughter living with him and she doesn’t care! The whole town knows because Charlie is the Chief of the police department and he’s probably been telling his buddies “My daughter’s coming to live with me!” Hell, I bet he pulls out a picture of her from his wallet. 

Billy Burke as Charlie Swan

And I don’t know, maybe I’m projecting. I’ve never had a decent father figure in my life. Like ever. Or maybe rather I’ve never had a consistent decent father figure in my life. Charlie, he’s decent and good and genuinely loves his daughter. He wants the best for her. That’s all he wants. Bella is so ungrateful towards him and it infuriates me!

During the whole James thing. She needs to leave, right, to protect him. Okay, whatever. But she intentionally uses the same words her mother used when she left. It made Charlie stop dead and be like oh so she hates Forks too. Like her mother. She never wanted to be there. Like ouch? Poor Charlie. 

And you know what, Charlie is a pretty chill dad. I don’t think Bella even has a curfew because he knows that she’s a responsible adult. 


(Honestly? Her getting a curfew is more than fair.)

I’m telling you right now, if I was 17 and I fucked off to another country to go after a boy who dumped my ass in the woods (not that that would happen but whatever), my mom would kick. My. ass. I would be dead. I wouldn’t have to worry about the Volturi. I’d be dead. Bella is lucky that she even gets to see Edward. Because if it was my mom or hell me, bitch you would never see that boy again!

Charlie is a lot nicer than I feel like other parents would be. I mean, his daughter fucks off to Italy with no explanation. He gets home and she’s gone. No note. Bed empty. (Said in my Mrs. Molly Weasley voice). Also, Charlie is a police officer. He sees all this and he’s probably thinking the absolute worst scenarios. She’s been kidnapped. She went off to the woods to commit suicide. He is kicking himself for not being a better dad and freaking the fuck out. Bella did that to him. Like just, why? 

Bella gets back and she lies to him and is all like “Yeah so Edward and I are back together and it’s so wonderful!” (Said in a Malibu Barbie voice.) Charlie isn’t dumb. I know she thinks he’s dumb, but come on. He’s not. He may not know what’s going on but he knows there is more to the story. Edward is damn lucky Charlie has self-control or Edward could’ve ended up getting shot. That is the boy who left Charlie’s daughter in the woods and then she’s spent the last four months being a zombie because of said boy. Motherfucker, please. I bet Charlie was like Please, please give me a reason to shoot you, Edmund whatever, I’ll fucking do it. Try. Me.

Oh, and it should be noted. That Edward can’t really read Charlie’s mind either. He can get the occasional thought but most of the time, it’s feelings, emotions. Of course, we don’t find that out until we read Midnight Sun because Bella sucks. 

Now all I’m picturing is Charlie pulling out his shotgun and shooting Edward with it. I think I cackled, ngl.

In Eclipse, Charlie tries to get Bella to be involved with people other than Edward. You know, a reasonable thing. Charlie doesn’t like Edward. I can’t blame him there. Bella doesn’t think about Charlie. Sure, she wants him to be safe. But she’s so focused on Edward that she doesn’t care or notice what her actions do to Charlie. Bella wants to be a vampire so bad that she doesn’t think about what that’d do to Charlie. Her “death” would do to him. Her mom has her husband. But Charlie? He doesn’t have anything. Bella dying would devastate him. Bella is all “Oh, he’ll get over it.” 

Charlie deserves better. 

When he does find out the truth, he takes it quite well, I always thought. All things considered. He rolls with the punches. He gets to have his daughter and sure, she looks. . .vastly different. That’s a bit jarring. But she’s alive. Oh, and he gets to have a cute granddaughter (though he’s still confused about that and is like what the fuck). 

Either way, Charlie is awesome. Bella sucks.

Book Charlie I don’t remember so much. He was chill and he was there. And he was good. Not perfect, but solid.

And then Movie Charlie absolutely fucking rocked that part so hard that Charlie became my low-key favorite character. That should have won an Oscar lol. Absolutely astounding A++ work. Well done. Billy Burke. Fuckin’ killin’ it, man. Good job.

Charlie went from being a dad you kinda notice sorta (book) to a master of dry wit and snark (movie) and I love it so much.

Now, I will say, there was a moment that I wasn’t a huge fan of Charlie and that was when he reacted to his daughter being assaulted by congratulating the assaulter. Cannot emphasize enough how bad that is.

Other than that, Charlie is great and wonderful and hilarious. And really nice in that “oh shit how do nice people talk to people? Whatever I’ll just say some words” kind of way.

And that moment where Bella leaves in Twilight? “I’ll end up stuck here like Mom”? Rip my fuckin’ heart out whydon’tcha? Fucking owwwww. And sobs. (Most of the time I have to hit fast forward and skip that part because I over-empathize and it kills me.)

Then he’s worried about her all the time in New Moon, which, can’t blame the guy. She was an absolute wreck. Practically in a vegetative state except for when she would have screaming nightmares. And after all that, she bails to go to another country.

To bring you back to that moment with context:

One of his best friends was recently deceased.

His daughter had been beyond distraught for months. I can guarantee you he was worried she was a danger to herself. And then she’s missing.

That’s what he gets to come home to after planning his friend’s funeral.

Bad day for Charlie.

So, yeah. When Bella comes back, of course she’s grounded. And of course Charlie hates Edward. He has no reason to trust this brat with his daughter. As far as Charlie is concerned, Edward is the teenaged prick who dumped his daughter for months and then came back like nothing had ever happened.

Yeah. No. Not gonna fly.

Lastly, in Breaking Dawn when Jacob reveals himself as a werewolf. (Yes, Keely, I said werewolf. Suck it.)


That scene in the movie was stellar. Gotta give it up for the director. And once again, Billy Burke holdin’ it down. And Charlie is chill with that and goes “well hey, it’s weird but if it means I get to see my daughter, I’m in.” Which makes me feel all kind of warm fuzzies because it always makes me sad in eternal being fiction when the eternal being has to say goodbye to a loving family. And, yeah, Bella isn’t gonna see much of her mom ever again, but she still has her dad.

That’s a weird thing to end on, I feel like I’m supposed to say something profound or at least something that wraps this up with a nice little bow.

Oh, well.

Until next time!


Part Six: Twilight – The Movies

Now, y’all probably don’t know this, but I have a film background. One of my bachelor’s is in motion pictures. That being said, even before I started to get into movies, boy did the entire Twilight movie franchise piss me off. You know, film wise. I’m not even talking about the shitty plot. No, I’m talking about how it was filmed.


(It’s so blue. I don’t understand. It’s so blue!)

Seriously. The ENTIRE movie franchise is SO. DAMN. BLUE. Why? Why was this an aesthetic choice? Why blue? 

If I was the director, blue would not be the color I’d choose. Like at all. Forks is supposed to be like this really green place. In the books, Bella is always complaining about how green it is. That being said. . .WHY THE FUCK BLUE. I can not say that enough. I would not pick blue. Instead of blue, I’d like over saturated the colors. Make that green pop. Make Forks look like some damn Wonderland place, really play on the whole it’s too green thing. If you really wanted to be creative with the color scheme, that’s what I’d do. 

Or, I’d warm up the colors, make the people look normal. But then, I’d make the Cullens a different color. When they are on screen, maybe they are blue (you know since they’re dead) or maybe their colors are muted. Or maybe they have a red tint to them since you know, they drink blood to survive. 

That is what I would do, personally. 

Or you know what, keep the colors normal

Here’s a clip that someone did from Twilight with the colors being almost normal. They still need to warmed up but it’s better than the blue.

Twilight is the worst contender for the horrible blue tint. In the later movies, they scrap that and keep the colors normal. It’s a bit jarring at first, when you watch New Moon and expect it to be all blue and you’re like, oh thank god.

As I stated before, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson had to work with what they had. Now for people who play love interests, they have NO chemistry. (But that is another blog post where we’ll discuss the love interests on screen with zero chemistry. Trust me. There are a lot. Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan from Fifty Shades for example. No. Chemistry.) 

Both Stewart and Pattinson come off as. . .awkward. And not in a good way. Stewart makes weird expressions that don’t really match with what she’s saying as Bella. It’s funny. I used to think she had no facial expressions and was all blank face. But when I rewatched the movies as an adult and with newer, film eyes, I realized it’s awkward because she has too many expressions.

(Haha, that’s true. Oh that’s sad. She put all her range into a rangeless character. Oof.)

It’s like. . .she’s overacting. Like she’s a caricature. LIke her face can’t decide what it wants to do. It does not work. At all

Pattinson, who was absolutely charming and adorable as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, is awkward. He comes off as creepy and awkward (shit, I said that I need a new word). Which I mean, I guess is in character since Eddie is a creeper stalker dude. But he’s also supposed to be charming and all sauve and shit but that doesn’t come off? I mean if I met the Edward in the movie, I’d grab my pepper spray. (I mean, I’d grab my pepper spray for Eddie in the book too, though.) No one hates Twilight as much as Pattinson hates Twilight. I read a story once when he was somewhere and everyone was screaming “EDWARD!” and this one person was like “CEDRIC!” Pattinson went to that person and gave them an autograph.

I love that story.

Right? It’s so cute.

I feel bad for Pattinson and Stewart because due to the atrocity called Twilight, they are seen as terrible actors. They aren’t.

Thankfully, I think that’s finally starting to turn around. I’ll talk about it a bit more in mine.

Do you know how I get through the Twilight movies? The side characters. Like Jessica who is played by the wonderful Anna Kendrick.

Woot woot!

Seriously, the next time (though I don’t know why you’d willingly watch Twilight. . .) just pay attention to her. I feel like they didn’t give Anna Kendrick a script. They told her to just talk. It’s great. 

Also, Charlie. Since the books are written in Bella’s POV (*gag*) you don’t really get to see what everyone else is doing. She’s not a reliable narrator and she’s all like “Ohmygod, Eddie!” (Said in like an obnoxious anime girl voice.) But with the movies, you get to know Charlie better. Charlie is great. I love him. He SO deserves better. (More on Charlie in part seven.) 

They broke up the last book, Breaking Dawn, into two parts. Which, I mean, I guess? Whatever.


The movies are just as bad as the books. They are boring and dull. The acting is terrible, which again is not the actors’ faults, the writing is to blame. I’m trying to think of something good to say about the movies besides Jessica and Charlie but like, there’s nothing good to say. I will say that I like that we kind of know more about James and his gang before you meet them at the baseball field. That’s interesting. Breaks up the boredom.

OH. I know. 

The soundtracks. The soundtracks are pretty awesome. The soundtracks deserve better than the Twilight movies but they are awesome. They did not have to go that hard but they did.

Here’s a playlist that I found on Spotify.

We got songs like “Decode” and “I Caught Myself” by Paramore. “Eyes on Fire” by Blue Foundation. “Supermassive Black Hole” by Muse. “Leave Out All the Rest” by Linkin Park. 

The one part that I will say I liked was in Breaking Dawn Part 2. They’re all facing off against the Volturi (shit, does that need to be a separate part too, Angela?).

Oh, I could think of some shit to say, sure.

They’re all against the Volturi and they’re fighting. Carlisle loses his head. Seth dies. Jasper dies. Then Aro is killed by Bella and Edward. And you’re like “Whoa, whoa, whoa. WHAT? Because that wasn’t a part of the book at all. It definitely throws you off. I was like, “DAMN!” I didn’t know what they were doing with it but I liked it.

. . . .then it came back to the present and you realized it was a vision by Alice. Which brings me into another rant.

(Enraged snoring, somehow.)

In Eclipse (I think it was Eclipse?) it was established that Alice can’t see the shapeshifters. New Moon, maybe? Since that whole “Bella jumped off a cliff and never resurfaced” thing happened? But then in Breaking Dawn Part 2. . .she can? Meyer, you broke your own lore. What the fuck. Don’t break your own lore. Like, what the hell. I can’t even. (Is that also my catch phrase?)

I can’t even talk about the monstrosity that was that baby. I feel like CGI would’ve been better. That thing was horrific. *shudders* 

Okay, so as previously mentioned, everything is blue and it doesn’t make sense and it is mind-boggling and frustrating. But the WORST thing in Twilight. Not the source material (iffy), the acting/directing choices (oof), the writing (yikes). It’s. The make-up.

(My 12 year old brother could do better make-up than that disaster.)




I’m not much of a make-up person, but I was in theater in eighth grade and so I know the bare fucking minimum about stage make-up. I know about blending. All you have to do is make sure there’s not a line as pronounced as the fucking coastline showing that this is not your actual skin color. And since the vampires were supposed to be walking jars of mayonnaise, make sure their fucking neck is white, too.

HOW DID THE MAKE-UP DEPARTMENT (was there a make-up department? This seems like the kind of job that they just pulled a random person off the street and said, “Hey, you want 5 bucks?” If that’s the case, at least this would make sense and be… not forgivable, but understandable.) FUCK THIS UP SO HARD.

You can clearly see where they were like “this is the corpse part of Edward’s body” and then “this is where we gave up.”

(Let’s not even comment on his “glittering skin” that was something they totally bought from Bath and Body Works. . .That was terrible and just what?)

Oh my god, the sparkles. Okay. When I saw the movies, I had already read the books so I knew to expect sparkles. I honestly expected it to look like when middle-schoolers got a hold of body glitter (don’t judge, it’s easier than make-up. It’s not better, but it’s easier and sometimes that’s what matters. – Don’t listen to me, especially since this is seventh-grade me giving advice.). But what we got was worse than that. I didn’t think his skin was sparkling, I thought his skin was boiling. My boyfriend at the time (poor fucking guy watching this movie) thought Edward looked like a fish. He had scales.

And whose bright idea was it to give Bella (human) the same skin tone as the walking corpses? I know the books said she was pale, but nowhere in the books did it say she already looked dead.

(I fucking snorted.)

They did get better in the later movies (they gave up entirely in the later movies, but it was still an improvement). But before we could get that reprieve, they did Carlisle dirty. I’ve seen photos of the actor just out being normal, and yeah, he’s attractive. But as Carlisle? They painted his face white and dyed his hair blond (and slicked it back! Why???) and the first time I saw him on screen (every time I see him on screen in that movie) all I could think was “naked mole rat.” I don’t know why, but every time Carlisle Cullen walks into the hospital, I’m reminded of Rufus from Kim Possible.

Now here’s the actor, Peter Facinelli. We had no idea he was a good looking guy.

Elizabeth Reaser (Esme Cullen) with Peter Facinelli (Carlisle Cullen)

See? If they had put him on screen, I would have paid a lot more attention.

(Heelllllooooo, Daddy. Ahem. Sorry.)

I had no idea he was actually attractive, I had to go and look it up. I had wondered “why did they cast an unattractive man to play an attractive man?” They didn’t. They cast an attractive man and made him unattractive. The choices this movie made

The chick who played Rosalie, Nikki Reed (who is funny enough married to the guy who plays Damon Salvatore aka Ian Somerhalder) ruined her hair for these movies. Like fucking fried her hair. Also, it wasn’t even a good dye job! Her hair was so yellow and it definitely needed some damn toner. Seriously, purple shampoo would have made that less brassy and actually a pretty blonde. As someone who dyes her hair at home, I could’ve done a better job than those professionals. What the fuck, ya’ll.

This is a screen shot from the movie. They look like wax figures. *shudders*

Oh my god the wigs. Jacob’s wig. Jacob’s fucking wig. I can’t. Remember how I said that I forgave Jake for being awful because of Taylor Lautner? That didn’t happen until Movie #2 when they cut his hair.

(OH. I forgot his wig. I like deleted it from my brain. Why did you remind me?) 

Just. The choices this movie made.

Don’t worry. We have more content to come. Angela and I are having a lot of fun with this. What should we discuss next? Tell us in the comments!


Movies Everyone Should Watch

If you don’t know, I love movies. Hello, film major! A small (okay huge) part of me still wants to make movies for a living. Maybe I’ll get there. Eventually. That being said, a few days ago, I asked my mom to help me come up with a list of movies everyone should see. Here is that list. Well there’s two lists. Movies I have seen that you should see, and movies that I haven’t seen that my mom recommended.

My List:

  1. The Princess Bride
  2. August Rush
  3. Steel Magnolias
  4. Maleficent
  5. Dumbo
  6. Godzilla vs. King Kong
  7. Planet of the Apes series (Reboot series)
  8. The Last of the Mohicans
  9. Braveheart
  10. Halloween (Very first one from 1978 and the 2017 one)
  11. Wonder Woman (Both of them)
  12. Big Fish
  13. Jumanji (All three of them)
  14. Tooth Fairy
  15. Practical Magic
  16. White Chicks
  17. Legally Blonde
  18. Ready Player One
  19. It (Part 1 & 2)
  20. The Shining (or Doctor Sleep)
  21. Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
  22. Kill Bill: Volumes 1 & 2
  23. Pulp Fiction
  24. Boondock Saints (Both of them)
  25. Gran Tarino
  26. Million Dollar Baby

My Mom’s List:

  1. Beaches
  2. Stella
  3. The Dark Crystal (1982 version)
  4. The Last Samurai
  5. To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

Want to know why I picked these movies? Drop a comment and we’ll discuss!


Born Brilliant, Bad, and a Little Bit Mad (Cruella Review)

Disney is our Overlord. I wouldn’t be surprised if like in a hundred and one years from now, Disney owns everything. I mean it’s not like they don’t already, really. Now, if you’ve been around the past few years or so, you know that Disney has been on this live-action kick. Of course, there was already the live action version of 101 Dalmatians and the sequel 102 Dalmatians. But Disney decided it wanted to make it’s classic movies into live-action films. Let’s talk briefly about the movies so far.

The first one was Alice in Wonderland, released in 2010.

Mia Wasikowska as Alice Kingsleigh in Alice in Wonderland (2010)

As someone who wasn’t that fond of the animated movie, I really enjoyed the live-action version. It wasn’t necessary a live-action remake, but rather, a continuation of the animated film. In it, Alice, now a young woman, returns to Wonderland or as it’s called in the film, Underland. It gave me a new appreciation for the animated film and the world of Wonderland. As someone who loves Wonderland (I mean, hell a story I’m writing technically involves Wonderland but I simply call it a different name: Caillte, which means “lost” in Irish.), I love seeing the different versions of Alice in Wonderland. One of my favorite series is the Splintered series which is yet another version of Alice’s Adventure’s in Wonderland.

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, originally penned by Lewis Carroll in 1865, is one of those books that is considered in the public domain. What does that mean? It means that basically, the author has been dead a while and the copyright has expired. It means that basically, you can do whatever you want with that material and not get in trouble. I mean think of how many versions we have of Shakespeare or Arthurian legend we have. Here’s a list of books that are going to enter into the public domain this year.

Alice in Wonderland also has an all-star cast with Johnny Depp (Mad Hatter), Helena Bonham Carter (Red Queen), Anne Hathway (White Queen), Alan Rickman (Caterpillar) and Martin Sheen (White Rabbit). While the sequel to Alice in Wonderland, Alice Through the Looking Glass was not as successful in my opinion, it was still an okay movie.

The next movie we received from Disney was Maleficent in 2014, And not to sound biased but it’s my favorite movie (though Cruella might be up there, but we’ll get to that).

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent in Maleficent

Now with this one, it wasn’t a straight remake, much like Alice in Wonderland. Rather, Maleficent tells the story of you guessed it, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty. Maleficent, played by Angelina Jolie, is a dark fae who falls in love with a human and that human betrays her. That human becomes king and is Aurora’s dad. Maleficent only wants to keep her people safe so she builds a thorny wall around the forest. Aurora is born and Maleficent of course curses her. Three nitwit fairies take the girl into the forest and raise her. But really, Maleficent raises her. In the shadows, Maleficent watches Aurora, calling her beastie, and over time Maleficent grows to love her. Long story short, in the end, it is not the kiss from some prince we don’t care about that breaks the kiss. It is the sweet kiss from a mother that breaks the curse. Because sometimes love is not the romantic kind. Instead, it was the familial kind. And isn’t that just beautiful?

Even Maleficent’s sequel, Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, which explored what happened to the dark fae, was still good. Which is a rarity since most of the time the sequel isn’t as good as the first one but that’s a blog for another time. Also, we find out that Maleficent is the last of her lineage, a phoenix and that’s just kind of awesome, not going to lie.

Next we had Cinderella in 2015, which was more or less the same as the animated movie. Though this Cinderella had more spunk, which I could definitely appreciate. “Have courage and be kind,” became the motto of this movie. Also, who doesn’t love Cate Blanchett playing the evil stepmother? The dress for Cinderella was stunning. I want it. No, really. I seriously want this dress. (Below.)

Lily James as Cinderella in Cinderella (2015)

Someone buy me that dress. Please. I’d wear it everyday to work with no cares in the world.

Beauty and the Beast. . . .was disappointing, which was tragic, really. Beauty and the Beast (the animated one) is one of my favorite Disney movies. Up there with The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Mulan. But the live-action? It was terribly disappointing. The songs weren’t the same and it just fell so flat. Like it was missing everything the animated one had. My friend Angela told me that they recorded in the studio and also did live singing which was why it felt so off. Seriously, just pick one and go with it. And as much as I love Emma Watson, she can’t sing, no matter how many lessons she had. Now, Gaston, played by Luke Evans and LeFou played by Josh Gad, honestly stole the show. I think I got through that movie by only paying attention to them. Pretty sure both Luke Evans and Josh Gad had musical experience so of course they can sing. (Correct me if I am wrong on that.)

I will say that I liked that they made Belle an inventor, and gave the Beast a bit more of a personality. Even if I didn’t really like Dan Stevens. The CGI on the Beast was dreadful. Though, Beauty and the Beast did give us “Evermore” which is a beautiful song. Here’s Josh Groban’s version. And it’s. . .*chef’s kiss*

Aladdin was okay. I mean it was basically the same movie. More or less. The two main leads had no chemistry. At all. Which honestly, is a problem when it comes to all movies and TV shows. It’s always a hit or miss if the love interestes have any chemistry. Such as Daniel Radcliffe and Bonnie Wright in the Harry Potter movies, Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried in In Time, and Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in Twilight are some movie examples. Stephen Amell and Katie Cassidy from Arrow, and Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin from True Blood are some TV show examples.

The costumes in Aladdin were incredible however. Stunning beautiful and oh so colorful. Jasmine has so many costume changes, and it’s great. (See below.)

Naomi Scott as Jasmine from Aladdin (2019)

I feel like they were trying to make Aladdin like a Bollywood movie but it lacked the heart most Bollywood movies have. While the singing was slightly better than Beauty and the Beast, it still was not as good as the animated one. I appreciated that Will Smith didn’t try to be Robin Williams. His Genie was not the Genie from the animated film. Will Smith’s Genie was a completely different entity and honored the memory of Robin Williams.

The Jungle Book came out in 2016, was. . . .eh. I mean they really didn’t need it. It was the same as the animated one. The music wasn’t there at all really, other than the score during scenes. While, yes in the live-action Mulan, they could get away with not making it a musical, for The Jungle Book, it didn’t really work. So really, I have no feelings towards that one.

Next we have the live-action Dumbo which came out in 2019. Growing up, the pink elephants scene in the animated Dumbo movie, terrified me. Seriously, it’s terrifying. Look at it and tell me it’s not horrifying for a child to watch.


For Dumbo, the live action is actually better than the animated film. I know, I know, but trust me. I loved it. So much. It was a heartwarming movie that wasn’t just about a baby elephant that could fly but also, about a dad returning from war where he lost his arm and connecting to his children.

The Lion King was the same as Beauty and the Beast when it comes to the music. But at least with Beauty and the Beast, and Cinderella and Aladdin for that matter, they made some changes. It wasn’t the exact same movie. The Lion King? It is the exact same, frame by frame. Check out one image below.

The Lion King (1994) vs. The Lion King (2019)

The entire movie is like that.

It was a waste of my time watching it. The songs were all wrong. The voices wrong. Everything was wrong. I wish I could un-watch it. Even James Earl Jones who played Mufasa once again, didn’t sound right. ALSO it isn’t live action. It was all CGI. So whenever people call it live-action I get annoyed. It’s not like they used real animals. They didn’t. Much like they didn’t in The Jungle Book, I believe.

Mulan, like a lot of movies, got pushed back due to the pandemic. (Seriously, I can’t have one blog post without mentioning COVID.). A lot of people got pissy because of the fact Mushu, played by Eddie Murphy in the original, was not in the remake. Also, the fact it wasn’t a musical. Here’s the thing (my catch phrase), I liked that they took a different route with Mulan. The live-action version draws from the Ballad of Mulan in China and Chinese-speaking cultures. For more information on the origin of Mulan, check out these sites.

Mulan: the History of the Chinese Legend Behind the Film

The Controversial Origins of the Story Behind Mulan

Mulan is a young woman who is different than the others. She is adventurous and active, defying the traditions of her people. She joins the Imperial army, concealing herself and trains with the men, often beating them. Unlike with the animated one, there is no Shang. This isn’t a love story. This is about a woman who has had to hide her entire life because she was wrong. She was not a real woman because she defied all of them. She was better than them, yet society told her that she wasn’t allowed to be. Xianniang, is a witch. She is used for her gifts, shunned by others for being unnatural. Like Mulan, she wants to be accepted. Had she been a man, her magic would be more accepted but since she is a woman, she’s rejected.

In the end, Mulan saves the day and goes home, but gains respect from the Emperor and her father realizes that he should have never made his daughter hide her true self.

Donnie Yen as Commander Tung, Yifei Liu as Mulan, and Gong Li as Xianniang from Mulan (2020)

The costumes were stunning and really drew from Chinese culture.

I enjoyed the live-action Mulan just as much as I enjoy the animated one. The live-action didn’t feel like a remake, but rather a separate entity entirely.

(I am not mentioning Lady and the Tramp which was released on Disney Plus because I never watched it.)

Now that I’ve talked about the live-action Disney movies I’ve watched, let’s get to the newest edition to the live-action movie, Cruella. Like Maleficent, Cruella is the origin story of Cruella de Ville, the villain of 101 Dalmatians. You probably know her song quite well.

Yes, that one. I’d be very disappointed if you didn’t sing a long to the song.

Just as Wonder Woman: 1984 embraced all of the 80s, Cruella embraces all of the 70s. It all about what is new, hip, and cool. The era of punk rock and challenging the status quo.

Cruella is a heist-fashion-revenge movie that somehow, works quite well. Even though really none of those genres belong together. Perhaps heist and revenge, but not fashion. It’s as if you took The Devil Wears Prada put it together with Ocean’s 8 and then threw in some Kill Bill.

From the very beginning I’ve always made a statement. Not every one appreciated that. but I wasn’t for everyone.

Cruella, Cruella

Emma Stone plays the title character. I love Emma Stone. I’ve loved her since she starred in The House Bunny, Easy A, and Zombieland. Then she starred in movies like The Help and The Amazing Spiderman. I think she is an incredible actress. In Cruella, she really shines.

Cruella’s true name is Estella Miller, a creative, rebellious young girl, who often finds herself getting into trouble and has a nasty streak. Hence her alter ego, Cruella. Estella gets kicked out of school for her misbehavior. She and her mother decide to leave for London. They make a pit stop to a fancy mansion on the edge of a cliff (that’s important later). to ask some broad looking all fancy in a white dress for money. Estella channels Cruella and sneaks into the party to look at the pretty dresses (can’t blame her there). She ends up running from Dalmatians. Those Dalmatians then proceed to push her mother off the cliff. Estella is devastated, even more so when she realizes that the necklace her mother entrusted to her is lost. Estella runs and who does she meet? Two orphan boys named Jasper and Horace. Together the three of them become quite the thieving trio.

Ten years later, Jasper, Horace, and Estella are still at their thieving ways. But Estella still dreams of becoming a fashion designer. Jasper gets her a job at the prestigious Liberty, where the famed fashionista and haute couture designer the Baroness, played by the wonderful Emma Thompson, is the boss. Of course, she is simply the maid until after Cruella takes over in a moment of weakness, transforming a boring window into something stunning. The Baroness takes interest and Estella finds herself a job with the Baroness.

Paul Walter Hauser as Horace, Emma Stone as Estella Miller and Joel Fry as Jasper in Cruella

The Baroness is the HBIC, and she knows it. She is narcissistic, cruel, vindictive and arrogant. She doesn’t care who she has to step one with her pointy stiletto heels to get to the top. In fact, she’ll blame you for being in her way, then keep walking as she trails your blood across the marble floor and then calls it art. She is a woman who knows what she wants and will take it. Even if she has to pry it from your cold dead hands.

You can’t care about anyone else. Everyone else is an obstacle. You care what an obstacle wants or feels, you’re dead. If I cared about anyone or thing, I might have died like so many brilliant women with a drawer full of unseen genius and a heart full of sad bitterness. You have the talent for your own label. Whether you have the killer instinct is the big question.”

The Baroness, Cruella
Emma Thompson as the Baroness from Cruella

The Baroness sees something in Estella and takes her on as a protégé. You think everything is all good and well, until you see the Baroness wearing the necklace. You know, the necklace the Estella lost. Estella asks about it and the Baroness says it’s a family heirloom (that’s important later) that some old employee stole from her. Now this fashion movie has turned into a heist and revenge movie.

Estella plots with Horace and Jasper to get the necklace back. In typical fashion, she does get the necklace back. . .sort of. Rather, it ends up in a Dalmatian so she steals the Dalmatians. Now, Estella doesn’t just want the necklace back. Oh no, it was never about the necklace. No. It was about revenge for the fact the Baroness killed Estella’s mother.

They say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We’ll I’d like to add one more. . . .Revenge.

Cruella, Cruella

I mentioned that this was a fashion movie, correct? Let’s talk about the fashion. I am tore on which on her many outfits that I like best. Estella has so many lovely outfits. I’m quite certain I want to be her or Cruella for Halloween. (Or you know, both. Be like half Estella and half her alter ego Cruella).

Let’s take a looksie at her many costume changes.

Emma Stone as Estella Miller in Cruella

This outfit is very like grunge, punk like. Here she is still Estella while Cruella maybe takes a spin around on occasions. I love how they change her outfits as she gets closer and closer to being just Cruella. The entire out is very military-esque but with a punk feel. I love the textures and the black-on-black pieces. I’d wear that outift.

Paul Walter Hauser as Horace, Emma Stone as Cruella and Joel Fry as Jasper in Cruella

The next outfit is the flame dress. It is. . .*chef’s kiss* She crashes the Baroness’ Black and White Ball, making an entrance in a white cloak. You think that’s it but no, it’s not. She asks for a light and then she’s literally on fire! Boy, how to make an entrance. Of course the heist doesn’t go exactly to plan since the necklace isn’t in the vault and instead around the Baroness’ neck. In the end, one of the Dalmatians swallows the necklace and Cruella steals the dogs and plans revenge.

Check out the scene below. It is truly iconic. I think even Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada would be impressed.

Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada

Me too, Miranda, Me too. Only, I wouldn’t look as fabulous taking off my glasses as you. I’d probably stab myself in the eye, honestly.

The third outfit is after the heist that went wrong. Cruella is now taking over, and she wants revenge. She walks into this awesome store that I wish I could go to run by this fabulous fellow named Artie. He’s perfect in every way.

Emma Stone as Cruella in Cruella

She asks him:

I want to make art, Artie, and I want to make trouble. You in?

Cruella, Cruella
John McCrea as Artie from Cruella

I do love trouble.

Artie, Cruella

He’s like “I don’t know what we are doing but you come walking in my store looking some goth punk goddess and ask little old for me help? I am so down, darling. When do we start?” Same, Artie. Same.

Emma Stone as Cruella in Cruella

Her fourth outfit is seriously so 70s. Like I swear that’s (above) something David Bowie would’ve worn. Tell me I’m not wrong. Like it’s like so him. She ends up crashing an event that Baroness hosts, taking over with her loud music and punk clothing. The Baroness is all about dresses and traditional style while Cruella is all about new and different. The Future as her eyes say, which might seem a bit too on the nose.

Emma Stone as Cruella in Cruella

What’s that phrase? Oh yes. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Or, you know, in this woman’s. Could Cruella be any more dramatic with this dress?


Look at it.

Emma Stone as Cruella in Cruella

That train has to be like 60 feet. Give or take. It’s fabulous and so extra, and as someone who can be pretty extra herself, I can appreciate Cruella’s extra-ness. You go girl. Seriously. I am here for this drama. Let’s go.

Emma Stone as Cruella in Cruella

This is probably my least favorite dress. I think the trash dress is more impressive than this petal one. I do like the red though, and how Cruella stands on stop of the Baroness’ car and covers the window so no one sees the Baroness. Is it dramatic? Yeah, but like, we’ve already seen a huge long train.

Emma Stone as Cruella in Cruella

Ah, the infamous ‘dog coat.’ Now, this coat isn’t made of Dalmatians. This is Cruella being on the nose and being a shit, to put it plainly. In fact, in this movie, Cruella has a dog herself. In fact, the Dalmatians she steals from the Baroness end up becoming loyal to her. Which is kind of hilarious and a bit ironic when you think about it.

I don’t know about you but I got some major like Reputation album vibes from this movie. I’m pretty sure “Look What You Made Me Do” wouldn’t be off if it was on the soundtrack for Cruella. In fact, it would be perfect on the soundtrack.

I’m sorry, the old Estella can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, because she’s dead. And Cruella has taken her place.

No, seriously. That’s how the end of the movie works. But we’ll get to that in a moment.

Emma Stone as Cruella in Cruella

Estella finds out that the Baroness, who tried to burn her alive, is actually her mother. Hhhhhhhheeeeeelllllllllooooo, plot twist! I was like “Oh my god.” I did not see that coming, which was rather refreshing, honestly.

So Estella plots and has the Baroness push her off the same balconey her adoptive mother got pushed off of. Then she comes back as Cruella and takes her fortune.

This is the outfit that she wears after all that mess. It screams: “Now I am the head bitch in charge.”

Emma Stone as Cruella in Cruella

All in all, this was a great movie. I don’t think it needs a sequel. It’s perfect as it is.

It’s not Estella. That’s the past. I’m Cruella.

Cruella, Cruella

I do like the nod to 101 Dalmatians at the end credit scene where Estella’s friend Anita and Roger recieve Dalmatian puppies.

If you haven’t seen Cruella, do it. Seriously. You won’t regret it.

Now, here’s Florence and the Machine to close out this blog post.


Recent Movies I’ve Watched (That You Should Watch Too)

Have you ever watched a movie where it starts off strong and then the last ten minutes are disappointing? It starts off good, it has you from the get go, and you’re wondering what twist you’re gonna get next. I love movies like that. Movies are often very predictable. Okay, movies are almost always predictable. It’s just something that happens. Nearly everything has been done so of course you can predict what happens next. I love the movies where there’s an unexpected twist and you’re like. OH. Did not see that coming at all. Take the movie I See You for example. You think it’s the typical psychological thriller, and at times, yes, it is, but then you realize exactly what’s going on. And you’re like OH MY GOD. If you haven’t watched that movie, then do it, seriously. It’s so good. It’s from 2019 unlike the other two movies I’m going to to talk about which are from 2021, but I See You is worth the watch. Plus the way it’s filmed is phenomenal. I don’t want to say anything else about that movie because it’ll ruin it. But you won’t regret watching it. Also, put down your phone when you watch it. It’s one of those movies where there are tiny details that are so important for later.

Here’s a very vague summary of the movie, I See You:

“Strange occurrences plague a small-town detective and his family as he investigates the disappearance of a boy.”

I See You can be watched on Amazon Prime video.

Amanda Seyfried in Things Heard & Seen

The other day we watched Things Heard & Seen, a Netflix original movie that’s based off the book All Things Cease to Appear by Elizabeth Brundage. It starts off with a title card that says: WINTER 1980. A man is running in the field carrying a young girl. Then it goes to the spring before. For the majority of this movie, I liked it. It was interesting. All murder and ghosts and well filmed. I loved the zoom ins and then long shots that followed a full movement. I liked it because it was different. Also, who doesn’t love Amanda Seyfried? And then. . . .the last ten minutes happened. It started off so strong but those last ten to fifteen minutes were so disappointing. I still enjoyed the movie but the ending. Man, it was a letdown. Now I want to read the book it’s based off of to know if that’s how the book ends. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a horror movie. It’s like a psychological thriller but with domestic violence thrown it. It’s intriguing. You would watch it but be prepared to be let down at the end.

Here’s a summary of the movie, Things Heard & Seen:

“After moving to a small town with her husband, a young artist begins to suspect that their home harbors a dark secret.”

Things Heard & Seen can be watched on Netflix.

Bob Odenkirk in Nobody

A week or so ago we watched Nobody. A 2021 movie that I believe was actually released to theatres. We only wanted to watch it because of this one line in the trailer: “Give me the goddamn kitty cat bracelet!”

It’s a ridiculous line, but we loved it. here’s the thing about Nobody. It doesn’t try to be anything but itself. It’s the typical the boring dad was actually some agent and he has to protect his family from enemies type movie. Nobody is well aware of the kind of movie it is, and it’s unapologetic about it. That’s why this movie works. Also, the main actor who plays the husband who was a badass agent? Oh yeah, he delivers. He’s an amazing actor and owns the entire movie with the typical action movie cheesiness. It’s great. Is the best plot? No, maybe not. But hey, the filming is great. And so is the acting. Nobody doesn’t try to be anything but it is, and you now what, sometimes, you really just need to watch an old man shoot Russians with his shotgun and grin like his world is alright.

Here’s a summary of the movie, Nobody:

“Hutch Mansell fails to defend himself or his family when two thieves break into his suburban home one night. The aftermath of the incident soon strikes a match to his long-simmering rage. In a barrage of fists, gunfire and squealing tires, Hutch must now save his wife and son from a dangerous adversary — and ensure that he will never be underestimated again.”

Nobody can be watched on Amazon Prime video.

What movies have you watched recently? Tell me in the comments!

Until next time!


What Do You Rewatch?

If you know me, you know that I love movies and TV shows. I mean come on, I have a degree in motion pictures (not that it’s being used at the moment and is gathering dust in my closet. But that’s another rant. . . .I mean blog post). I want to make movies and TV shows. It would make sense that I watch a lot of movies and TV shows. Which don’t get me wrong, I do. Seriously, I made an entire spreadsheet of all the shows we watch on Netflix, Hulu, Prime, and Disney Plus. It’s a glorious spreadsheet. Need a show to watch? You can definitely find one here.

Here’s the thing though. . . .I have the tendency to rewatch the same thing over and over and over again. It’s why it sometimes takes me SO LONG to finish a new show if I’m not watching it with someone else. I mean this is this the girl who STILL hasn’t watched The Witcher or The Mandalorian. Yes, yes, I know, blasphemy, blah blah blah. I want to watch them, I do but I’m a contrary little shit, which means the more people tell me I have to watch this show and it’s so awesome and I’m going to love it. . . .the more I don’t want to. It’s a problem.

And sometimes, I don’t want to watch something new. I want to watch something where I already know what’s going to happen. I know that the bad guy loses, eventually, and the good guys are happy. I know the ending, and it’s an ending I like. I need that comfort and security. When I’m sad or angry or insert whatever other negative emotion here, I know that I can flip on this TV show or movie, and it’ll make me happy. I’d thought I’d share the three TV shows and three movies that I rewatch.

TV Shows

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The first time I ever watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer was at my grandparents’ house in Fayetteville when my brother Tristan and I lived with them when I was in the fourth grade. We used to have what we called BT. Buffy time. Buffy time came with cake time. We’d all sit in the living room, eating the moist, yellow cake with the thick, chocolate frosting that my grandpa baked with a tall glass of milk and watch Buffy together. It was family time. All of us watching it together. Tristan, Uncle Dean, Grandma and Grandpa. Buffy reminds me of those times and yeah, it hurts sometimes especially since my grandpa is gone but it’s a good memory. So when I need Buffy and her badass blonde self to tell me to keep fighting, I flip on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I actually got to meet James Marsters who plays Spike in both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. He’s a seriously nice guy. I stood in line and got a selfie with him. I also got a photograph signed for my aunt that says “Mama Meme.” I talked to him for like thirty minutes while my cousin Paige gapped like a fool. I guess it’s a good thing when I’m nervous I talk. A LOT. Works to my benefit.

James Marsters with me (on the left) as the Winter Soldier and my cousin Paige (on the right) as Captain America

Can be watched on Hulu, all seasons, 1 to 7.


Charmed used to come on TNT before we left for the bus. That’s where I got involved in this show about witches. My grandparents (not the ones in Fayetteville, the ones who lived in Oklahoma then but now in Texas) didn’t like anything to do with witches. I barely got to watch Harry Potter when I was over at their house. Or even like, Narnia. But they got over that. Grandpa Kopanke would always have TNT turned on for me when I got home from school. Two episodes came on right as I got off the bus, and everyone knew that it was Keely’s TV time. It was like some unspoken rule. I loved Charmed so much that Grandpa Kopanke actually bought me the first season of it and Buffy the Vampire Slayer for my birthday one year. I mean who wouldn’t like Charmed? It’s got sisters who kick ass. Hell, the story I’m trying to write on (What Lurks in the Woods) is about three sisters and based off my grandparents’ house in Fayetteville. Sisters kick ass.

I tend to actually rewatch a certain season of Charmed. Season six. Why? Because it’s the best season. It has a great story line. It was different. Now I don’t rewatch season 7 or 8 because the writers absolutely trash all the sisters’ personalities. It doesn’t feel like them at all. My thoughts on that are here.

Phoebe, Piper, and Paige from Charmed

Can be watched on Peacock apparently, all seasons, 1 to 8. (But I wouldn’t bother watching seasons 7 or 8.)

Criminal Minds

When I was in Washington D.C. 2018, we would sit around in my apartment, drink wine, and watch Criminal Minds. (That almost rhymed.) We would hang out and talk and just have a great time. Criminal Minds is one of those shows that you don’t necessarily have to watch in order. Sure, towards the latter seasons it might be best but if you don’t, then it’s fine. The cases do get really competitive at times. I mean, how many serial killers are there really? But for me the show isn’t about the unsubs (unknown subjects) or the cases. It’s about the characters themselves. The Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU) is full of interesting and intriguing characters that you get invested in. Other than Elle who is thankfully only in the first season and leaves in the second season, you like the characters. My favorites are Penelope Garcia and Spencer Morgan.

It’s my go to show when I don’t want to watch something new but I need something semi-normal. Not fantasy.

The cast of Criminal Minds, Season 15, the final season

Can be watched on Netflix season 1-12 or all seasons on Prime 1-15.


Big Fish

Once again, the first time I ever watched Big Fish was at my grandparents’ in Fayetteville. Actually every movie I’m about to mention I watched at their house. Big Fish is a Tim Burton movie, which means that it’s a bit a lot weird and hard to explain. If you haven’t watched it, you should. Also, Ewan McGregor is amazing as always. It’s about a son who comes home because his father is sick. His father told these glorious grand stories and the son who wants the truth, and by searching for the truth behind the stories, the son finally connects and finds out who his dad is.

Alison Lohman as a young Sandra Templeton and Ewan McGregor as a young Edward Bloom

Here’s the synopsis:

“When Edward Bloom (Albert Finney) becomes ill, his son, William (Billy Crudup), travels to be with him. William has a strained relationship with Edward because his father has always told exaggerated stories about his life, and William thinks he’s never really told the truth. Even on his deathbed, Edward recounts fantastical anecdotes. When William, who is a journalist, starts to investigate his father’s tales, he begins to understand the man and his penchant for storytelling.”

Unfortunately you have to pay on every streaming service to watch Big Fish. It’s definitely worth paying to watch though. If you have HBO Max you can watch it on there.

Practical Magic

I might have a thing for witches. . . .a bit. (A lot.) Practical Magic is one of my favorite movies. I watched it so much at my grandparents’ that no one can watch it anymore because of me. It’s about a family of witches who have always been outcasts in this little town in Massachusetts. Two sisters, Sally and Gillian Owens grew up knowing that they were different. Sally denied her powers while Gillian has embraced it. The Owens’ family has a curse on them where any man that an Owens woman falls in love with dies. It’s about sisterhood and love and family and acceptance. I love it. To pieces.

Sandra Bullock as Sally Owens and Nicole Kidman as Gillian Owens

Here’s the synopsis:

“Sally (Sandra Bullock) and Gillian Owens (Nicole Kidman), born into a magical family, have mostly avoided witchcraft themselves. But when Gillian’s vicious boyfriend, Jimmy Angelov (Goran Visnjic), dies unexpectedly, the Owens sisters give themselves a crash course in hard magic. With policeman Gary Hallet (Aidan Quinn) growing suspicious, the girls struggle to resurrect Angelov — and unwittingly inject his corpse with an evil spirit that threatens to end their family line.”

Unfortunately you have to pay on every streaming service to watch Practical magic. It’s definitely worth paying to watch though. If you have HBO Max you can watch it on there.

Van Helsing

I watched this movie every single time we went to our grandparents’ in Fayetteville. So much that my Uncle dean actually bought a real DVD of the movie instead of the burned copy he had. Van Helsing is an early 2000s movie so it’s not the best in the world. The dialogue is. . . .well, I could write an entire blog post about early 2000s dialogue. The plot is okay, a bit shoddy, but I love it. I love the emotion behind it. It’s got everything. Mystery, romance, betrayal. It’s about a vampire hunter named Van Helsing played by the wonderful Hugh Jackman who can do no wrong who goes to Transylvania to take care of THE vampire, also known as Dracula. It brings in Dracula and Frankenstein’s monsters. Pretty sure I could quote the damn movie word by word. Also, Kate Beckinsale is amazing, and here she is playing a woman who wants to kill all vampires. And later she plays one — Selene, from the Underworld series.

Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing and Kate Beckinsale as Anna Valerious

Here’s the synopis:

“Famed monster slayer Gabriel Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) is dispatched to Transylvania to assist the last of the Valerious bloodline in defeating Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh). Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) reveals that Dracula has formed an unholy alliance with Dr. Frankenstein’s monster (Shuler Hensley) and is hell-bent on exacting a centuries-old curse on her family. Together Anna and Van Helsing set out to destroy their common enemy, but uncover some unsettling secrets along the way.”

You can apparently watch Van Helsing if you have a subscription on Peacock or rent/buy on Prime.

What movies and TV shows do you rewatch over and over again? Why? Leave a comment and let me know!


Walker: First Two Episodes Review

There were several shows that I grew up on. One of those is Walker, Texas Ranger. We watched it on USA when it came on. It’s about Cordell Walker played by Chuck Norris and he’s a badass and yeah. I loved it. It was one of my favorite shows which is a surprise since I’m not into westerns. Walker, Texas Ranger was an exception though. My grandpa Kopanke even liked it some because it reminded him of John Wayne movies. Now, pretty sure it has not aged well, like a lot of shows that began in the mid to late 1990s but it’s nostalgia. We all have shows like that that we watch over and over because of nostalgia.

So when I heard that The CW had a reboot planned, I was a bit leery, admittedly. Reboots are always a hit or miss. I tried to get into the reboot of Charmed but I couldn’t. And if they ever did a reboot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I would not be happy. However, Walker was different. Why? Because 1), I like The CW. I love their shows, and 2) Jared Padalecki. I was already stressing because what in the world am I going to do when there’s no Sam and Dean Winchester to keep me entertained? I heard he was playing Cordell Walker and I’m like, okay, let’s do this. It doesn’t help that he’s one of the executive producers so he’s helping to direct and produce episodes while also being behind the camera himself. So kudos to him. I can’t imagine being an actor and a producer in the show. I feel like that would be a lot.

The first trailer came out (below), I swooned, may have squealed and probably stopped breathing for a moment. I tend to do that when I get excited. (Seriously when the first full trailer of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier dropped, I stopped breathing for like the entire trailer.)

Isn’t he just intense? Hello.

Now the first two episodes, “Pilot” and “Back in the Saddle” are out. I watched them both last week and then rewatched them yesterday with my bf on The CW. The next episode comes out Thursday. Here are my thoughts on the first two episodes of Walker.

First, the first episode of any show is usually called “Pilot” for a reason. The first episode is the one that determines if there will even be a show. Sometimes they do test watching for shows (and for movies as well). Hell, sometimes, producers want your entire first episode written frame by frame before they even consider funding your show. The “Pilot” episode introduces the characters to the viewer and to the world they are trying to create.

Some “Pilots” are good and some are. . . .well, not. An example of a pretty good “Pilot” is Supernatural. The episode introduces the characters and the world quickly but efficiently and leaves you wanting more. A lot of the times, the first season of any show is rough because the writers and directors and producers are still getting their feet wet. They are still trying to figure out the characters, the plot, etc. With Supernatural, the first season is one of the best first seasons of any show I’ve watched. It has it’s rough moments, don’t get me wrong, but the writers do a wonderful job with the dynamic between Sam and Dean, the dialogue, the story, etc.

An example of a not so good “Pilot” is the first episode of Criminal Minds, which is actually called “Extreme Aggressor,” rather than simply “Pilot.” You get introduced to the characters but the dialogue is, frankly, horrible. It’s stilted and awkward. Also, I always felt like they weren’t quite sure what to do with Derek Morgan’s character in the first season of Criminal Minds. He goes back and forth a bit. The first season of Criminal Minds is rough. Very rough. It’s almost a bit painful to watch at times and definitely cringeworthy. I still rewatch it, because I love Criminal Minds, but now I can really tell how rough it was. There is a big difference between season one Criminal Minds and season five Criminal Minds.

The first episode, “Pilot” of Walker is definitely better than the first episode of Criminal Minds. It isn’t quite up there with Supernatural, but it’s still a decent “Pilot” episode. It introduces the characters quite well.

Now, before we get to my review, as River Song says:

We start with Cordell Walker (Jared Padalecki) talking to his wife, Emily (Genevieve Padalecki) about a game night they’re having. She’s running some errands and will be there later. Cordell, or Walker as he prefers to be called (can you honestly blame him? Cordell is a very old-fashioned name), plays a game with his parents and his kids (Stella and August). He gets a call from Emily and she’s scared. “Something’s not right,” she tells him. Then he hears a gunshot. He goes outside and tries her cell again but it keeps ringing. Then you see her laying on the dirt, bleeding out, while her cell phone rings and rings. Walker screams and collapses on the ground, leaning against his truck.

All that happens within like five minutes of the show. It’s quick. . . .Now if only the rest of the show had that quick-paced, high energy, and tension. But we’ll get to that.

Skip ahead to 11 months later. Walker is back from being undercover for a year. His family is waiting on him to show up at his parents’ ranch but he doesn’t show up. Instead, he’s sitting on the bed of his truck, getting plastered. A nice cop lady shows up and takes him home. Walker is awkward and rambles and it’s honestly, a bit adorable.

The next day he finally sees his parents and his younger brother Liam who Walker calls “stinker” which is just great. Liam is an attorney and engaged to Bret. I love that they didn’t make a huge deal out of Liam being gay. It was casual and relaxed. I liked that a lot. August, Walker’s 14-year-old son is happy to see his dad while Stella, his 16-year-old daughter, has already left for school. Walker gets called to work. And guess who is his new partner since his old one is now captain? That’s right. The nice cop who picked him up the night before.

Photo credit: The CW

That awkward moment when you new partner turns out to be the officer who found you drunk and drove you home. What a way to meet someone. Good job, Cordell. Kudos, bro.

Micki Ramirez is the first woman of color Texas Ranger and she’s basically like “Look I got your back and I need to know you got mine. Also, I know you have a certain way of doing things but could you like not mess this up for me? Thanks.” (I’m ad-libbing here, obviously.) She’s wonderful and just a blessing. The actors have great chemistry from the get go. But really, that’s the whole show. The characters mesh well together and it doesn’t feel forced.

Micki already has a boyfriend who is back from the army and is a medic. I’m glad she’s already got a boyfriend. I’m going to be very displeased if they make her a love interest. Walker honestly doesn’t need a love interest. Not right now. Maybe like in the third or fourth season (if that happens) but not now. It’s way too soon. Plus, he needs a friend. Micki is calm and steady. She compliments Walker well.

After an kid mentions Walker’s dead wife, he plum loses it — I can’t blame him there, honestly — and she sets him straight. Plus, Micki’s boyfriend handles the fact there’s a random tall white dude on her couch quite well. Then he patches up Walker’s hand. Now all we need is Liam to get involved and boom, power quartet. Two Texas Rangers, a medic, and a lawyer. The perfect team.

Walker turns this poker chip in his fingers. It’s like a nervous tic. That’s important later but also, a bit disappointed about the poker chip and why Emily’s eyes were closed. We’ll get to that.

Walker has to pick up Stella from the station. An awkward reunion. Bel, Stella’s friend, is illegal and her parents are worried about I.C.E. Walker shows he has a good heart because he tells Bel’s mom later — after Stella has gone missing and he goes there thinking making Bel knows where she is — that he’ll do what he can. In the next episode, “Back in the Saddle”, you find out that Emily was leaving food and water for immigrants who cross the border and that Walker told her where the cameras were so she and Geri, a woman who runs the bar and boy do her and Walker have chemistry, wouldn’t get caught. He tells Geri that’s the reason why he doesn’t know what happened because she avoided the cameras like he showed her. Geri admits that she closed Emily’s eyes.

So that mystery is solved.

Walker finds his daughter and they have a conversation. Stella is angry that he left them for his undercover case. And I get that. I do. But like, she’s also not giving him a chance either? Anyways, she gets found. he leaves and has to do his job and Micki is a badass. They get their guy. The captain tells Walker that there’s another undercover case and they want him. He doesn’t take it but Stella doesn’t believe him and that’s basically it.

In “Back in the Saddle” it frustrates me because like he’s trying so hard to get to know his kids again and get things back to normal. Poor Walker clears out the kitchen and he just stands there awkwardly. Later on in the episode, his father, Bonham (seriously, a horrible name but oh so Texan, I guess) tells Abeline, his wife and the mother of Cordell and Liam, that he — Walker — needs to figure what he wants to do. It’s gotta be his choice and his decision where he wants to live with his children.

He has to get recertified as a Texas Ranger. Those scenes are hilarious. He shoots all his targets, makes the instructor for the driving part sick. He’s kind of a shit, honestly. And I ain’t gonna lie and say I don’t like it.

Walker’s personality is like, a mix of Sam and Dean from Supernatural. He’s rough around the edges. He breaks the rules. He will straight up beat up a dude for bringing up his dead wife. Very driven by emotion. He likes to do things his way. He’s funny, laughs at his own jokes and is a bit of a dork. But at the same time, he has a good heart. He showed that in the episode before when he wants to help Stella’s friend Bel. He is trying with Stella, so hard, but hey, teenagers are hard. Teenage girls? Even harder. He does love his kids. Should he have left them? No. I don’t think he should’ve. He should have been there. But also, I don’t think Walker should have found out from his daughter that his brother Liam tried to get custody of Stella and August. I can’t blame Walker for going after his brother. But I get why Liam tried to get custody. Walker went dark for three months and Liam didn’t want his niece and nephew to be alone. I get that. But Liam should’ve told Cordell and not Stella.

After that fight with Liam, Walker finds out that Emily had a poker set made for him and she carried some poker chips with her to show off to people. So the eyes being closed and the random poker chip has been solved.

I’m really hoping that’s not the end of that. After all, we know that Emily and Geri both took supplies to those going over the border. Also, in “Pilot” the drugs came from the cartel in Mexico, the job Walker turned down. There is a lot of potential for there to be more to Emily’s death than just a random shooting. I think The CW would be missing out if they just left it at that. I’m hoping they’re trying to give us a false sense of security. Then boom, plot twist later.

Walker doesn’t pass the horse riding part of the certification because the saddle he has his wife gave him. It’s still raw. My theory is that he spent a year undercover but he never really mourned her. He didn’t grieve. Instead, he focused on the job. That’s what he did.

Walker ends up finding the prize race horse, Texas Nightshade, and rides on him. There’s a badass scene in “Back in the Saddle” with him riding the horse and chasing down a car with Micki. Also, the captain is funny. Walker rides up on the horse and is like “I’m here to help.” The captain just waves his hand and says “You’re certified.” It made me giggle.

One of my favorite parts of “Back in the Saddle” is when he and Stella finally talk. It starts with via texts and then she gives him his mug. they go back to their old house in town to get the concrete slab with Stella and August’s handprints when they were little. Stella is trying to get it up and it ends up breaking. She starts crying. Walker hugs her, like the first hug they’ve had since he’s been back, and tells her “Just cause it’s broken doesn’t mean it we can’t take it with us.” (Something like that. I’m ad-libbing.)

I think that’s a good summary of the show.

His wife is dead. His kids’ mother is dead. That’s the cold hard truth. She’s not coming back. They can’t go back to normal and live in that house where everything reminds them of who they lost. But they can live in the ranch house. They can have a new start and a new beginning with the support of the grandparents and uncle. Walker will figure out what the new normal is with Stella and August, and try to juggle being a widow with being a Texas Ranger.

Admittedly, the show is a bit slow. It needs a lot more action. That’s not to say that I don’t love the family dynamics. I do. But he is a Texas Ranger. We need a bit more of that action. I’m wondering if Walker is going to do the same thing that most cop shows do like Criminal Minds, Law & Order: SVU, and others. Which is a case per episode. There’s nothing wrong with that but there needs to be like a bigger plot — other than Walker and his family. Action is definitely needed.

Of course, this is only the first two episodes. It will probably pick up. Also, we have to consider that COVID (one day, one day I will have a blog post where I don’t mention that) has more than likely affected how they filmed action sequences. Safety first, after all.

Random comments:

I am kind of digging this scruffy Jared Padalecki with his backwards cap. Then his cowboy hat. Totally sexy.

Geri and Walker totally had a thing and no one can tell me otherwise. I wonder if that will be brought in.

I’m trying so hard to not compare Cordell and Liam’s brother relationship to Sam and Dean’s but it’s so hard. So far, the brother dynamic between Cordell and Liam is alright. Need to amp it up. A lot.

Micki is wonderful and I swear if they demote her to a love interest later and not keep her the badass Texas Ranger she is, I will throw a huge tantrum.

Kind of wondering if they meant to have some subtext between Stella and Bel, not going to lie.

Does Bonham and Abeline know about Bret? I have questions. We know Cordell does. But like it is a secret that Liam is gay and is engaged? I’m confused about that.

I totally hope Cordell kept Texas Nightshade and that’s his horse now. Canon in my head already.

Who all knew that Emily and Geri left food and supplies for the illegal immigrants hoping the border? That could be interesting.

I need Chuck Norris to make a guest appearance. We got his blessing for this reboot. Now come on, be a guest. Cater to us fans.

If you haven’t watched Walker on The CW, you should. . . and also, sorry for all the spoilers. of course if you haven’t watched the show why would you read this post? But whatever.

I think it’s going to be a great show. I can’t wait to see how it goes. New episodes of Walker premiere Thursdays on The CW.

Now enjoy this post from Buzzfeed as an ode to Jared Padalecki in a cowboy hat.

Can You Make It Through This Sexy Western Without Getting Your Ten-Gallon Hat Steamed Up?