This is not how I wanted to spend my last semester of undergrad.
The truth is, even before this semester started, I’d been struggling with senioritis. I was struggling with motivation to do, well, anything. I’d been giving only half of myself to my courses, my job, and my hobbies. It’s only been recently that I got that fire, that passion back. The finish line is so close. I’m so close to graduating with not one, but two bachelors. And yes it is scary but the realm of possibilities once I cross that finish line is overwhelming. What can’t I do? That question kept driving me. It made me realize that I needed to stop with this senioritis, get my butt in gear, and not screw up my last semester because I’m afraid of what happens next. I’ve always hated the idea of change. Always. And yes maybe change is scary but sometimes you have to take a chance. That’s what my goal was this semester. I wanted to take chances. But now with everything that’s been happening, that might be halted.
I’m sure you know what’s been happening. I’m sure you know about the pandemic. Coronavirus. Cities, even states are being locked down to stop the spread of the virus. The entire world is in a state of panic, fear, and desperation. You can feel it in the air. You can see it when you go to Walmart and people are stocking on toilet paper. You can see it when people walk around wearing gloves and masks. It’s everywhere. I don’t need to tell you what’s happening because you already know.
Last week my university migrated from face to face to online. I have no doubt that soon the campus will close. Then that brings up of what will I do for work? I’m a receptionist. I can’t really work from work. And it’s not like I can go get another job. I highly doubt most places are even hiring with everything that’s happening. Once I think about that, then my thoughts spiral.
When will the campus open again?
How will my classes be handled?
Will I still be able to walk come graduation May 16th?
And it keeps going and going and going.
I know I’m not the only who is questioning what happens now? How will this effect us not only now but in the following weeks? That’s all I think about. That’s all we think about.
But I don’t want to think about what if. I’m tired of being stuck in this rut of panic, fear, and desperation. Anger, frustration, and depression. So I don’t want to think about what if anymore. Rather, I want to think about what I can do if campus does close and we’re all confined home. Thus begins my list.
Here’s my list of things I can do if campus closes.
1. Produce more episodes of podcast
2. Make more macrame scarves
3. Edit UALR documentary
4. Work on poetry/memoir book
5. Make a YouTube channel
6. Start one of my stories or maybe both
7. Paint a masterpiece
8. Take only close ups of stuff in the house
9. Read all the books on my bookshelf
10. Finally touch my toes with knees not bent
I’m going to keep working on this list. I encourage all of you to make one of your own. Keep thinking positive. It will be okay.