You thought it would be easy

like riding a bike with your dad

You thought it would be quick

like your mother’s smile at your first rehearsal

You didn’t even plan

no obsessive note taking or color coding

You took a leap instead

with your arms outstretched like a kid playing

in a corn field

You closed your eyes as you wept

but not with tears of sorrow

with tears of joy

Come now, you said, into your battered journal

Please take me, take me away from this world

You were afraid

though you wouldn’t admit it

You thought it would be easy and quick

But it wasn’t

It wasn’t easy

Your father got rid of the bike

it wasn’t quick

Your mother didn’t cry until

the doctor called time

1:48 will repeat in her head

every

single

day

It was slow

Drip, drip, drip

went the blood down your wrists

Your brother cried

Your father put a hole through the wall

They all blame each other

Themselves

Thinking that it was their fault

That they could’ve done something

Truth is

It’s no one’s fault

Not even yours

Society teaches all of us that

mental illness is a myth

A legend

They tell us to calm down

To relax

That it’s all in our heads

When it’s not

Society teaches us to be ashamed

To hid our mental illness

But the proof that it’s real,

That it’s true

is in the tombstone

that is all that’s left of you

-K