Prompt 13: Alien Abduction

Prompt Thirteen: An Alien has just abducted you. Give 3 reasons why it would send you back to earth.

An alien was to abducted me, first of all, hallelujah. Please, oh please, little green alien, take me away from this planet with these horrible creatures called “humans” that have nothing better to do than make others feel terrible about themselves. Where the threat of war is being dangled over us like a carrot to a rabbit. Except we don’t really want this carrot because it’s covered in arsenic.

Of course, if an alien did abduct me, I’d be returned probably within two hours. Why? Here are three reasons:

  1. I talk. A lot. I’d ask too many questions. Like “why aren’t you actually a little green alien like in the movies?” “Why do you have such huge eyes?” “What’s the thing on your head for? Probing?” “Why did you abduct me?” “Where are we going?” “Are we there yet?” I’d annoy the alien to the point where they’d ask why they volunteered for this sect of the universe. They think to themselves ‘I should’ve volunteered to go to Mars. It would’ve been easy. No one has lived on that planet for hundreds of years.‘ “I hate humans” they’d say out loud, in a language I wouldn’t understand. But I’d get the message.
  2. I am always hungry. Always. So the alien better have an abundance of food. Hopefully Earth food because alien food doesn’t sound appetizing. With my appetite, I’d probably break the alien’s fund for this trip to Earth.
  3. I would contribute no knowledge to their database. My knowledge is limited to memes, cute dog and cat videos, Buzzfeed, anything Harry Potter or Marvel related. They wouldn’t learn anything important from me other than the fact that humans spend a lot of time on social media watching videos of animals. And so many nail videos.

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