I am not who you want me to be nor will ever be.

You can dig your nails in, scratch and claw like a bird with a worm.

But you can not change me.

***
The characters that I create are splintered pieces of my soul.

They are pieces of me that hide, pieces of me that no one sees.

***

Someone told me once that the kindest people can become the most deadly.

That the sweetest can become the most bitter.

Of course I didn’t realize they were talking about me.

***

“What’s your favorite part of the 21st century so far?”

“You.”

“No. Really. Be serious.”

“I am. My favorite part is you. You don’t see Captain America. You see me, Steve. The artist. That kid from Brooklyn. I’ve been awake for 6 months but it’s only these past few weeks with you that I’ve really felt alive.”

***

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning. I need…I need to knlw who I am.”

“Be careful. Okay?”

“Of course.” “What’s this?”

“My lucky bracelet. Thought you could use it. Plus I don’t want you to forget me, Mishka.”

“Like I ever could.”

***

You have a beautiful smile they say or they say you should smile more

So I nod and give another smile, like I’m not brittle inside, like a dying leaf

Keep on smiling, all wide and toothy

Like a commerical for a toothpaste, That says use this and you’ll have a beautiful smile too

I smile until I feel like my face is stuck like that, like my face is going to crack and shatter into a million little pieces

Like that old wives tale

This smile is false, Carved on my face

And no matter what,

It nevers seems to fall

It never dims

It’s an illusion

This smile

But you can’t tell

So you say I have a beautiful smile

While inside I’m crying and slowly dying inside

***

You are crooked glasses, always sliding down your nose.

You are patterned leggings and baggy sweaters over sports bras.

You are messy hair to your shoulders or up in a perpetually falling bun.

You are ink and paint stained fingers.

You are a towering pile of notebooks with it’s own code.

You are the scrambling search for a notebook and scratching down ideas before they fade.

You are the canvas that one day will be filled.

You are dark brown eyes that gleam either black or gold.

You are bright blue eyeliner and red lipstick.

You are mismatched jewelry, leather and silver and gemstones.

You are a brilliant smile and kind eyes but a quick tongue.

You are well-placed one liners that make people laugh.

You are…me.

***

Hope you enjoyed my random drabbles! I write on my phone sometimes on Samsung notes. I thought I would share some random poems and dialogue for a Captain America fanfiction and such!

-K