I Just Wanna Be Mad

It’s been October since I’ve last posted. I suppose I have been busy and well life happens. I actually have a time allotted on my Google calendar for 8 to 9pm to blog. I think it’s about time I actually fucking listened to that so here I am!

I am determined to blog every single day even if it’s nothing. So here I am!

What’s with the title? It’s a country song by I think Terri Clark. Right now I am feeling this song.

Look, if you know me, you know I am a rather cheerful positive person. Aa my bff Angela says I am “SOF” which stands for “sunshine optimistic fluff.” Hey, I’ll own up to that. It’s who I am and it’s not gonna change. But sometimes. . . .I just wanna be mad.

I get in these moods sometimes where I am simply angry. I don’t know why. I call it my “dark moods” or those rainclouds that I can’t always get rid of. But the second anyone sees or notices that I am not my usual SOF self it’s “What’s wrong, Keely?” And it’s exhausting.

It’s exhausting to be all sunshine and optimistic and fluff. It takes a lot of work to keep this up. Okay? Like a lot of effort. It drains me. Utterly draining.

So yeah, sometimes I just wanna be mad. I want to rage and scream and throw things. There may not be a reason. There might be. But I want to be able to do that freely.

All week I’ve been in this dark mood. I tried to walk it off during my breaks at work. Normally that works but this week it isn’t. I’ve listened to Papa Roach and Panic at the Disco and Disturbed and Smash Into Pieces. But nothing. It lessened the dark cloud of unbridled anger and bitterness and pessimism. But it’s still there. And I don’t think it’s going away anytime soon.

So yes there’s no more SOF Keely. Okay maybe there is but I’m gonna be more sarcastic and angry and bitter. Because I’m done being sweet and good and kind and letting people walk all over me. New Year, new me and all that junk.

No GIFS or pics today just these words.

Hear me rage. Hear me scream. Everyone has their cloudy days. This just might be my cloudy year.

-K

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