I have been a college student for oh, around maybe three and a half years now. I’d like to tell you that there’s a perfect formula on how to survive/pass college but my dear, there isn’t.

Sorry.

Really. I didn’t mean to crush your dreams.

Basically, college is this:

It’s acting like you got it all together and then realizing, fuck, you forgot that quiz Sunday…because you were busy writing that essay that was also due Sunday. So you made a hasty decision….completely forgetting that the essay was really due Monday which means, guess what? Yeah, you could’ve done that quiz.

College is a bunch of misses and hits. It’s thinking you got it together and then laughing hysterically because oh no. You so do not have it together. You give up. You don’t want to be an adult anymore. You thought it’d be all yay, yay, happy, yes, I’m an adult! I can do what I want!

Yeah. No. Wrong. Adulting sucks. Don’t trust me? Trust Kimmy Schmidt.

Yes, Kimmy. Yes, it is.

Come on! Adults who are 46 don’t even know how to adult! Let’s be real. We’re all a bunch of ducklings wandering around wondering when we get the cookie at the end of the road. Then realizing that wait, there is no cookie. No pat on the back. No reward. Nothing. Just you know, more adulting….

Then you add in college to this adulting thing. Now not only do you have to pay for bills but you have to keep up with your schoolwork, have group projects where guess what, you get stuck doing all the work and deal with teachers who are either understanding or the Devil Incarnate.

Luckily, I’ve had some awesome teachers. I haven’t had any problems with any of my teachers. Not really. And if I did, I brushed it aside. I just want to pass the class, and if I can’t then I drop. I’ve only dropped a class because I felt I couldn’t pass it twice.

My main thing with teachers is the “for each 3 credit course class you should spend at least 3 hours studying a week.”

Now, I’m not good math, but let me break this down for you. Bear with me, this is all conjecture.

Let’s base this off a 5 day week, Monday through Friday. 120 hours for 5 days a week. 

The average student has maybe 12 hours. So that’s 36 hours for studying. Also, not all those classes are online. But let’s not complicate things.

Most students nowadays are nontraditional. What does that mean? It means that these students didn’t attend college directly after high school (like myself), have never been to college and are in their early to mid-twenties or like my aunt, are in their early 40s and going back to college. What does this mean?

It means that these students work Monday through Friday and have around 40 hours, you know the full-time job. You also need to give at least an hour a day just for driving. So that’s 45 hours for work.

Let’s say the average person gets maybe 7 hours of sleep a day. So 49 hours. (Bear with me, my math sucks.)

Are you following?

We are at 130 hours. That’s not even including leisure time like watching TV or Netflix, making dinner and relaxing.

120 (5 days a week) – 45 (work) – 36 (studying) – 35 (sleep).

What do you end up with?

4.

4 hours of spare time. Which means you need to squeeze in taking care of your kids (if you have any) making dinner, taking said kids to wherever the fuck they need to go, hopefully taking a bath or shower because you might stink and then maybe, maybe just like 30 minutes of your time.

Maybe.

Did you head not do this?

Mine did.

So yeah.

That’s an unrealistic approach. 36 hours of studying? A week. Yeah…That’s not happening.

Ever.

How do I approach college? Here’s a few of my tips.

Keely’s Tips to Survive College, AKA, Fake It Til You Make It or BS So Everyone Thinks You Know What You’re Doing 

1. Do what you love. It’s okay to switch majors. The average student changes majors at least three times. I was a psych major, then literature/language then journalism and professional/technical writing. Guess what? I’m changing my major from journalism to media production (motion picture). Still sticking with the professional/technical writing.
2. DON’T STRESS. Okay, yeah. This is a lame one. But really. Don’t stress. Relax. Breathe. Squeeze a squishy ball. Punch a punching bag. Something. But don’t stress. It’ll just make everything worse. No stress, less stress. That’s the main trick.
3. If you need a break. TAKE ONE. College will still be there. I took a break this summer and trust me, I needed it.
4. Use your resources. If that means using Google so you can ace that quiz. DO IT. How is the teacher going to know? If that means talking to the guy who actually gets the material. DO IT. If that means emailing your teacher and giving them the very real sob story of how you suck at adulting. DO IT. 
5. And finally, just try. It may take you a while, but just keep going. You got this. We got this.

That’s the daily advice today, folks.

The following is an article from Buzzfeed I thought you’d find interesting. The last chart is where I got the featured image from. Enjoy!

-K

24 Hilarious Charts And Graphs That Will Make You Nod Your Head In Agreement